How to communicate better in your relationships!
It’s not easy to communicate if you don’t know how, when you face difficulties or when others decide not to listen, but it is one of the most important reasons behind the success of every personal or business relationship! No one really knows why we fail when we want to say something important or why we fail to understand others when they try to say something that is important to us, but one thing is for sure - you can get better at communication if you really decide to educate yourself about it!
I am not saying that I am an expert on this subject, but I have learned a lesson or two that I would like to share with you.
How our Brains work:
Fact 1:
We store information in our brains and then, based on who we are talking to, we retrieve what’s necessary. We then organize that information accordingly before communicating it to our audience. This action in the brain is called ‘Outlining’. If we want to talk to a child and an adult about the same subject, we retrieve the same information from our brain but we then organize it differently before talking to them.
Fact 2:
Some words or information could mean different things to different people. For example the word “Cold” could mean insensitive to some people and chilly to others. “Success” could mean money to some people and happiness to others.
Fact 3:
The same information could trigger different emotions in different people. For example “You Lost Weight” could make someone feel good about themselves or make someone who is insecure feel bad about themselves by thinking “was I fat before?”
In order to become a better communicator, we must learn more about ourselves and things that we fear the most:
Fear of Acceptance
Wrong: What if others do not accept what I am trying to say? It’s too much work, forget it!
Right: Even if she doesn’t accept what I am telling her immediately, I know she’ll eventually see my point.
Fear of causing pain to others
Wrong: What if he gets hurt if I tell him the truth?
Right: Pain will be replaced with trust. It’s okay to cause short term pain for a long term happy relationship.
Fear of being wrong
Wrong: I am not sure about my own feelings, what if I start this conversation and then I realize that I was wrong.
Right: It’s okay if I am wrong, because it’s better to be wrong then to ignore my feelings and stop learning to become a better person.
If you knew that the single reason behind every successful personal or business relationship is communication, wouldn’t you really try to overcome your fears and educate yourself about it?
Some great books to read:
posted by Farid Dordar @ 1:17 PM
4 Comments
4 Comments:
Great post! I used to take acting lessons years ago. I feel that it has really helped with my confidence to communicate my message effectively and clearly on my road to success.
Thanks for sharing your insight.
English is my second language. Sometimes I don't feel confident to speak to people I don't know. Especially during an interview for a job. Be myself and answer the questions truthfully. I can be speechless. I can be shy.
Fear of being wrong is my biggest problem. I fear if I hurt someone's feeling; I fear if I said something wrong, it ruins the relationship; I fear if people think that I'm useless. But, I learn from mistakes. I try my best and improve my communication skills.
I don't fear of acceptance. This is Canada. Though I fear of acceptance in working environment. I want to get to the executive level, be professional with excellent communication skills. I was in Europe for a year and have been in Canada for almost 3 years. My grammar is still not perfect, I am lack of vocabulary, and my pronouciation sometimes is incorrect.
If you have English as your second language, will you have a problem in pursuing your career in administrative area?
Fear of causing pain to others. Yes, people scare of telling the truth because it might hurt the other's feeling. But if you tell lies, you will feel guilty yourself. Just be honest! It will hurt a little bit in a short period of time, but you will get the long term happy relationship. So, good advice from Master Farid!
Thank you for all the tips. I am looking forward to reading the next one.
Regards,
em.elford@gmail.com
Hi em.elford,
English was my fourth language and I am currently working at an executive level.
My feedback to you is that it can be done, you just have to want it bad enough and be willing to constantly work at perfecting it.
Best of luck!
Saeed Ashrafinia
Hello Saeed,
Thanks for the encourage. Yes, anything is possible. No matter how much time I will need, I will get there somehow!
Just like my supervisor told me, if people can go to the moon these days, then anything is possible.
Regards,
em.elford
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